somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I can't trust your balls anymore.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
