3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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