yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
