from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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