i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I love having hate sex.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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