I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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