i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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