god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Randomize
