I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
