We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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