The maid of honor just puked.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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