Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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