Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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