So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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