Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
