whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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