Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
