I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
