dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
