we're blogging at a bar
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
