dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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