i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children