Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice