You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid