Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.