There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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