The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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