Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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