it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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