dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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