dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
