oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
