I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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