And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
