It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
