I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
