OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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