Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
