Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
