I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
