Do you still have your period?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It's blow job season.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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