sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
