just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
