please come you make the beer taste better
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
two words...techno handjob
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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