had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
