I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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