if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
