1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
