Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
