I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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