I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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