In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
