he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
