imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
