does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
