I think my vagina is haunted
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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