Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
