i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
we made out on top of his cat.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
