She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
