just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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