and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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