...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
