did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize