Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
