i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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