So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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