Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
