Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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