I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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