dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
